How to Answer Annoying Holiday Questions

I don’t like the holidays for the very specific reason that my extended family members seem to think that I am comfortable answering their questions that may SEEM simple small talk questions, but really annoy me to no end.

Who I am dating, my future career goals and such, really are not something I would like to talk about. Dude, lets talk about dogs, memes, what manga you are reading, etc. Lets talk about a serial killer you just learned about, but please do not ask me about big life questions that I currently don’t, and may not know the answer to, for quite a while.

Unless I bring some date with me to dinner, (which I can’t simply because dating two people at once is blasphemy to my mother, therefor they are dead to her.)

Here is the thing, at my age, I honestly don’t know what I want for a career just yet. I like my job right now, I may not plan on keeping it for the rest of my life, but shouldn’t that be fine on its own for now?

Who knows. Either way, the questions come up each year, so I’ve come up with answers that maybe you can use when your Aunt or annoying cousin asks why you are the dateless wonder this Christmas night. Most of these will shut them up.

 

Question: “How is school going? Picked a major yet?”

Possible Answers:

  • “Good. Just good. Next question?”
  • “I’m deciding between majoring in Classics or Psychology. I know the odds of being a Classics prof or a shrink are slim to none, but so is getting a job with any arts degree.”
  • “I finally learned the difference between your and you’re.”

 

Question: “So what do you think you want to do with the rest of your life?”

Possible Answers:

  • “I’m really thinking of getting into pole dancing, I never was good at the Pythagorean theorem anyways.”
  • “I am starting an exclusive religious group and I think will be life-changing. God has recently started talking to me about it is my calling to build a heaven-on-earth cult…erm…community.”
  • “I don’t fucking know man, probably smoke a lot of dope and dance with the many dogs I plan on fostering.”
  • “I’m 100% set on having as many kids  as I can so my baby daddies and I can be the new 19 Kids and Counting on TLC. Did you hear they got cancelled because Josh molested five girls, excluding his own sisters?”

 

Question: “Anybody special you have been seeing lately?”

Possible Answers:

  • “I’m volunteering at a retirement home, and I really think I’ve found the one there, I see him every second day, and I help change his diapers. We’re so much closer then ever before.”
  • “I’m still dating One Direction even though they are on hiatus and don’t know I exist. Nothing has changed over the past year, they are my gods. Want to say a prayer with me for Zayn to join 1D again? I brought a poster of him we can worship him together.”
  • “My prof is pretty special, the amount of spit he shares with students who sit in the front row is incredible.”

 

That is all for now, for I must go and get ready myself for my fancy family Christmas Eve dinner.

I hope your family holiday gatherings will be as painless as possible 🙂

merryxmas

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The Burlesque Show was Awesome!

Last night I attended my first burlesque show. I did attend River City Rumble a year ago, but I feel this show was more focused on burlesque and had way more performances as well as just plain variety.

I had been assisting Ava Strange with their burlesque routine, (one of the selected performers,) so I had been included behind the scenes. While all the organizers were super friendly and outgoing, the complete lack of organization and last minute decisions made the preparation and rehearsal quite frustrating. For one, the performers were selected just two weeks before the show date and the organizers were less then helpful when it came to scheduling, time slots and giving out basic information.

I was half expecting this show to fall apart from what I had observed behind the scenes. To my pleasant surprise, everything went smoothly. It was a super sexy and entertaining show.

My absolute favourite performance was by Attila D Buns. His routine had me cracking up. Jordan Dock was also amazing, who opened the show with a flawless aerial performance.

attilaa

Attila D Buns, who is super friendly and funny by the way.

Everyone at the ticket booth seemed to think I was performing for some reason, so I wasn’t asked to pay when the doors opened. Bonus!

All in all it was an excellent show, and I will definitely be attending the next local burlesque show. Who knows? Maybe a performance by yours truly is something to be seen on the horizon.

#TBT Reading Edition: The Clique

cliqueshit

I treasure all of my beloved favourite children’s books. Mandy, A Little Princess, Harry Potter, Inkheart, The Thief Lord. I still reread these books and always finish them with warmth in my heart. Some children’s books are just brilliant, and still relatable to me to this day.

But then there are some books that I reread while trying to get a hit of nostalgia and I end up feeling embarrassed that I even enjoyed these stories. I use to gobble these particular books down without knowing these books would leave some harmful messages later on and the complete idiocy of it all.

Ahhh yes, the classic teen drama book series that I used to binge-read on, The Clique.

If you’re unaware of The Clique, it’s basically a series about a popular middle school queen bee along with her crew: Massie Block (That’s MASS-ee, not Maisy. I know.) Alicia Rivera, Dylan Marvil, Kristen Gregory and Claire Lyons. Each, gorgeous, mean, privileged and very self centred and concerned only about their current first world problems. (Aka, popularity, beauty, fashion, popularity, revenge, beauty, fashion.)

While the series covers some real middle school preteen issues such as bullying, peer pressure, relationships and acceptance, the characters are the farthest thing from relatable.

When I say that these girls come from wealthy backgrounds, we’re talking billionaires. Despite being only 12 years old at the beginning of the series, the characters are very informed and aware of adult brand names and elite stores.

There is so much materialistic rubbish, it almost looks to me as it is nothing but fluff.

I guess that is why this series is so cringe worthy to me, it is just so shallow and pointless. There is just so much emphasis on designer labels, popularity, the latest gadget, trashing your friends to be on top….it’s just so, nasty.

Bottom line, I am super embarrassed I used to buy each of these books as soon as they came out. Thirteen year old me claimed to not care about popularity and money but she sure spent hours and hours reading about it.

Oh yeah, they also made a movie based on the first book of the series. In all honesty, the movie is shittier than the books. It’s just so silly, but maybe I just am not a twelve year old girl anymore.

Travelling Necessities: International Trips

daqueen

I actually did see the Queen while visiting London, it was so epic.

Everyone has a different view on what their perfect vacation would be. Some would rather live in a beach house and spend their days lounging in the ocean or tanning beside pools. Others may prefer to spend their vacation in amusement parks.

For me, I absolutely adore visiting Europe. The history, the old buildings, the food, culture, oh I’m beginning to miss France already.

Most of my holidays have been full of museums, galleries, long walks, old churches and palaces in Europe, so my travelling necessities will be geared towards those going on trips similar to mine.

 Comfy Shoes

I can not stress the importance of comfy footwear. While fashion may ordinarily be high on your priorities, it won’t when you will spend hours walking around new cities and towns. NOOO flip flops or snazzy, strappy sandals. Broken into sneakers or runners are your best bet.

 International power adapter

Even if you are not an internet whiz, you will need something to recharge your camera with. Make sure you bring two just in case one breaks down or gets lost.

A comfy satchel/purse

Normally, I would recommend backpacks just because they are more efficient. The issue is, a lot of galleries and museums will not allow you to bring a backpack, but purses are fine. Make sure your satchel is durable, strong and has zippers as well as pockets.

A light cardigan or long sleeved button up shirt

Even if your vacation is going to take place in the summer, it is very important to bring an extra layer when you are visiting religious locations. Several churches will require you wear sleeves to enter, or at least have your shoulders covered up. I also suggest wearing capris over short shorts. This isn’t about slut shaming, it’s about showing respect for the religious building you are visiting.

 Twist ties

I don’t know about you, but I don’t really trust anyone once my luggage is shipped away; you never know who could slip their hands into your suitcase or big backpack. I like to use twist ties to tie up the zippers together, as they will most likely not have enough time to untwist a bunch of twist ties to check what is in your bag.

Garbage bags/disposable shopping bags

These are great for separating dirty and clean clothes. It’s also to have a mini garbage bag on the go.

 Hand sanitizer

While travelling through several time zones, you will spend a fair amount of time in airports. Wash your hands as much as you can to avoid germs. A mini hand sanitizer to bring with your carry on will help as well.

Kindle/Ebook

If you’re a reader like me, kindles and kobos are from the travel gods. Being able to keep hundreds of books in one light little ebook is just amazing and so much better than lugging three books from airport to train station.

5 Strange and Dark Things I Like

I’ll admit that I like some pretty odd stuff. (Don’t judge me.) If you are reading this, perhaps you are bored and are looking for something twisted or just plain different to do. I give advanced notice these activities are NSFW.

1.) /r/Gore on Reddit

the-gore

Want to watch a real-life video on a gruesome abortion? Interested in watching the stages of facial decomposition? A graphic photo set of a murdered women with multiple stab wounds?

All of these can be found on the uncensored, creepy and sometimes just plain gross subreddit.

Similar subreddits include: /r/WatchPeopleDie and /r/Deformed

2.) Being Chris Hanson.

catcha

Okay, maybe you won’t have Perverted Justice or Dateline, but you sure can find dirty old men wanting to hook up with young teens. The internet is batshit crazy as it always has been, and with the anonymity of the internet continuing to give predators a sense of security, why not spook them?

It is dead easy to set up a fake profile posing to be an underage teenager in a free chatroom, but it’s even easier to attract creeps. There is no perfect formula to this, all you have to do when you start chatting is to make it very clear how old you are supposed to be. (13, 14, 15 years old, whatever you want, as long as they are under 18.) After some brief chatting, it is highly likely these adult men (or women, but mostly men,) will bring up a sexual conversation. Continue to innocently flirt or chat back. If you keep the conversation going they may ask for your email address or Kik. Be sure you create a fake email/kik account prior to chatting. Give your account information to them and after they send you a message or email, send them back a legit looking email or message from a cop or police officer on how you know they were inappropriately speaking to an underage minor.

They will freak out, and you’ll be trolling the grossest slime balls ever at the same time.

3.) Building a Sims Cemetery

simsyoda

I kind of have a creepy liking of drowning several sims at once to get more gravestones and ghosts to haunt my Sims home. The easiest and quickest way to build your own Sims cemetery is to adopt a bunch of Sims kids. That sounds really awful, but impregnating your Sim, giving birth, raising it through infancy and toddlerhood to childhood is tedious and time consuming, so it is much easier to adopt a lot of Sims kids and drown them all at once.

In case you don’t know how, once you have your Sims kids in the pool and swimming, build a wall all around the pool so they can’t escape. Speed up the time and they will eventually drown.

For some reason, the Sims adoption agency will appear to not notice that you have already adopted tons of kids and they have all gone missing. #SimsLogic.

4.) Creating a Cult

doodles

I’m a creative person who loves writing, doodling and photography. All of my creative ideas end up in one of my many cheap notebooks and sometimes I just love inventing a disturbing and brainwashed community.

It’s very amusing to create the self-appointed messiah or leader and to come up with their history and what lead them to starting up a cult. There is no right or wrong way of creating an odd or out of place religious sect, plus it is a very fun creative writing exercise too!

5.) And last but not least, anything this website has to offer.

spider

Enjoy! 🙂

The Best Horse Computer Game Ever

pippa

The problem with horse themed computer games is that they are always geared towards one very specific demographic; six to ten year old girls. While there is nothing wrong with this, the main issue is that the toy industry sure loves to drown “girl” toys in the world of make up, dressing up, fashion, manicures, barbie, super models and all things glittery.

I love horses, so I do like to play horse computer games and watch horse themed television shows while creepily pretending I have my own horse and that I even know what I am talking about when it comes to riding competitions.

saddleclub

(The Saddle Club, the best kid riding tv show ever. I still ship Stevie and Phil so hard.)

Obviously, real horses don’t have sparkly pink manes with glitter heart tattoos on their asses, but a good percentage of horses in computer/DS games do. I can’t seriously pretend I have my own horse if my horse is hot pink and named Sparklez.

Thank god for Saddle Up with Pippa Funnell. Seriously. This is the coolest, different and entertaining computer game all centred around horses, competitions and renovating a stud farm. Did you hear that? You get to renovate a stud farm, not go off to a tacky mall to buy a new rainbow coloured saddle for your glittery artifical looking horse! (Note: all the horses in Saddle Up are all natural looking, and gives you information on each of your horses, including what breed the horse is.)

The first thing I want to talk about is the storyline of this computer game. Most horse computer games are incredibly formulaic and there is little storyline, or close to none. Usually you are given a horse and there is a shit load of grooming and training in the exact same ring. Then, at the end, you take part in a major competition, win and the game is over. Saddle Up is anything but. The game begins when the main character, Estelle, inherits her great aunt’s stud farm in the wake of her great aunt’s death. Estelle quickly learns from her solicitor that since her great aunt was a very “eccentric” woman, she has put many clauses in her will before Estelle can fully renovate the stud farm. As Estelle, you are able to choose new buildings, vehicles and training locations each time you win a competition, (which, there are several, and they are all in different locations, thank god.)

The next thing I absolutely love about Saddle Up are the characters. In the typical girly horse games, you have one dimensional, plain Jane characters that have no backstory whatsoever. In Saddle Up, you get loads of characters Estelle interacts with that have history and personalities.

The reason I just love Saddle Up is because it has everything I could ever want in a good computer game. I’m not a hard core gamer, so obviously I’m not super picky on graphics; but the plot, the characters, the entertainment level? 10/10.

I highly recommend this to anybody looking for a horse themed computer game with more content besides grooming your horse and shopping for it.