It’s a shitty feeling to be second choice or second pick in almost every given situation.
“Hey, all my friends suck and bailed on me at the last minute, want to come with me to this thing at (insert social gathering location) tonight?”
“Sure, I’ll hang out with you, if (insert friend/significant other name) isn’t busy.”
You seriously can’t help but wonder what is wrong with you or what do they have that you don’t. I’ve spent hours and hours trying to change for people, trying to win to be “worthy” of being their first pick.
In the end, it took a long ass time for me to realize that it was never about my flaws or what I was doing wrong. If people can’t come to realize how awesome, fun and important I can be, it’s their loss, certainly not mine.
I’ve surrounded myself with some pretty toxic people in the past couple of years, who in the end, have been there for me part-time or to their own convenience. God knows how many times I’ve let people use me. I’ve tried to suck up to earn approval, I’ve bought Christmas presents for people who have treated me less than a person, I’ve cleaned someone’s house who stole my kitten, trying and trying again to be “good enough.” And what have I gotten out of all that? Nothing.
You can give and give but it never guarantees you will receive anything in return. You’re not second choice because you suck, you are second choice because the people who treat you like that suck.
And I often like to think that karma will one day, bite them in the ass pretty painfully.
Maybe not today, maybe not next month, maybe not this year, but it will come around.
It always does.